What a strong word.  We often think of it in terms of having compassion for others.  For those less fortunate financially, for those less fortunate from a health capacity, for those less fortunate from a physical beauty or ability standpoint.  I applaud that – I believe compassion for others is one of the best traits a person can have.  Where I am continually shocked in life is by the lack of compassion people have for themselves.

We’ve all heard the saying, “I am my own worst critic” and it’s proven shockingly true to me time and time again.  I’ve been around some of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest, and most understanding people.  People who would stop at nothing to help someone in need, who would defend another against naysayers and critics, who would console anybody who seemed down and out.  Then these same people will say something I find completely unacceptable:

“I’m so fat”

“I’m gross”

“I look terrible”

“I’m so dumb”

“I’m too weak to do x”

“I could never do y”

“I’ll never get to point z”

These people would NEVER allow someone to say that about someone they know or care about.  They would never allow me to say those things about myself, so why do they say them about themselves?  Because they lack compassion for themselves.  We so often get into an all or nothing mentality when it comes to ourselves.  Either we’re dieting perfectly and working out like zealots OR we’re failures.  Either we are in competition show shape OR we’re horrifically fat and disgusting.  Either we’re hitting PRs OR we’re weak and lazy.

What we need to be is a bit more compassionate and realistic with ourselves.  No one is perfect.  We don’t expect it from anyone else and we certainly shouldn’t expect it from ourselves.  Does that mean we shouldn’t strive to be better or to succeed at our goals?  Of course not.  It does mean that we should show ourselves the same compassion and understanding that we would extend to anyone else.  Sometimes life throws us for a loop and we get a bit off track.  Sometimes we focus on another arena on our life and excel there while letting something else slip out of the limelight a bit.  This is OK.  This is acceptable.  This is life.

I ask all of you – the next time you hear someone use one of these compassionless statements about themselves – interrupt them.  Tell them that they are someone who matters, that they are successful, that they matter.  Remind them that they would never allow someone else to speak that way about someone they care about, so you are not going to allow them to talk to themselves that way.  Remind them that this is the example we set for impressionable children and teens all around us and that self worth and value and esteem is important.  The next time you begin talking to yourself the same way – please stop and know that you are enough.