As I am continually reminded, we as Americans (and women in particular) often subscribe to an all or nothing mindset. Many of us as teenagers tried desperately to became the honor roll student, well rounded athlete, symphony musician, and employee of the month at our part-time jobs (or we envied those that did).

This mindset continued through our college careers and I now frequently see grown women strive to ‘have it all’. The good job, the great kids, the perfect marriage, the clean house, and who find time to volunteer to not only coach their kids’ field hockey team but also to bake cupcakes and peel clementines for practice.

Many of us feel intense pressure to be model women in every aspect of our lives (this certainly can hold true for men as well). It can be pretty stressful trying to be perfect all the time and when something throws a monkey wrench our way, we sometimes lose our minds, have a mini breakdown, and resign ourselves to failure.

Nowhere do I see this more than in the realm of fitness and dieting.

So many times I’ve heard, “I can’t eat that, I’m on a diet”, or “I’m off my diet for the weekend, pass the wine and funnel cake”, or “I missed my gym class last night, I’ll just start over next week”. These are all ‘all or nothing’ examples.

Too often we expect too much of ourselves. It is not realistic to think that we can be perfect in any arena (and besides, what is perfect anyway). Part of us knows this.
-I don’t think anyone with children views themself as making perfect choices 100% of the time with child rearing decisions.
-None of you expect perfection from your coworkers at the office.
-Nobody’s house is perfectly spotless all of the time.
-Nobody treats their significant other perfectly all the time.

In all of these arenas we’ve learned to prioritize what’s important, to learn from our mistakes, to try and continually improve our performance, and to give ourselves a bit of grace and compassion when doing so.
We would never tell a child who made a mistake that ‘you’re a failure and you should just quit’. Why do we so often tell ourselves that in the realm of fitness and nutrition?

Now that we have that out in the open, here are 3 of the most common problems I encounter with people (and sometimes myself) and my suggestions for moving towards your goals despite them:

Problem #1:
-Trying a complete overhaul.
Many folks make a resolution or start getting in gear for beach season or a special event but they go whole hog. From 0 workouts/week to 6 days/week. From 0 strength training to all max effort lifts. From an erratic, unbalanced diet to an incredibly strict one with no room for error. From a 10 year smoker to cutting cold turkey. This is a recipe for failure. It’s highly unlikely you can change multiple, major habits in your life all at the same time (or even one big one all at once).

Suggestion:
-Start small.
Pick one thing nutrition wise and one thing fitness wise (such as eating one extra serving of protein each day and taking one 15 minute walk each day at lunch). These things should be easy. They should take minimal effort and you should prioritize them (set a calendar reminder, etc) in order to ensure you successfully complete them EVERY day for a period of weeks (think 4-6 weeks). Once you have successfully engrained this new habit into your life, only then is it ok to add another change.
By limiting the number of changes, it limits the amount of stress you place on yourself. By setting an easily attainable goal, you are less likely to quit and more likely to experience success which helps keep you motivated.

Problem #2:
-Giving up when you experience a hiccup.
Sometimes things happen. This does not make you a bad person or a failure so there’s no reason to act like one. Just think: if you were 15 minutes late to work one day – would you just say ‘Forget it’, turn the car around and blow off the rest of the week? Of course not. Same with your health.

Suggestion:
-Get back in the saddle as quickly as you can. One happy hour or ice cream splurge or missed workout isn’t what keeps you from your goals (and for a balanced, fulfilling life- you probably want to include these from time to time). It’s the decision at that point to say, “Forget it” and blow off the whole rest of the day, weekend, month, or season that follows.
If you make a decision that takes you away from your goals, follow it with a decision that brings you back towards them (even if it’s just drinking an extra glass of water or protein shake before bed that day, or sneaking in 15 minutes of sit-ups, push-ups, and squats at home if you miss the gym).

Problem #3:
-Focusing on the ‘can’ts’
Limited time, no spare cash, injuries, allergies, dislike of cooking, age, etc. These are all reasons people use to justify why they can’t change. I need you to pick just one thing you can. Realize that you have control to change something and you become powerful enough to change anything.

Suggestion:
-Focus on what you can do today. Right now. With what you have.
This comes back to #1. It doesn’t need to be a big thing (and shouldn’t be). It can be something as simple as getting an extra 15 minutes of sleep each night or meditating in your car for 5 minutes before you come back home for the night. The more positive changes you decide to make and can control, the more you feel you are capable of changing and controlling.
I’ve seen 70 year old, chronically ill, severely obese people slowly take back control of their lives one decision at a time. You can too.

For the record, I am guilty of having all of these problems at various points. I am also persevering and continuing in my journey. I learn about myself and my body as often as I can and I have begun respecting it (and myself) a lot more than I used to. I believe I am just beginning to learn all of the wonderful things it (and I) are capable of doing after years of trying (and failing) to get to my ‘goal weight’.  It’s all a result of recognizing a few truths:

There is no magical place of fitness ‘success’. No final destination you can actually arrive at. Being healthy, fit, and satisfied with yourself is kind of like being an adult. There is no single ‘moment’ where you become one…it’s a gradual process that occurs over time. There are occasional moments where you feel like an absolute failure and others where you think ‘I’ve got this’, but they’re always followed by another day.  Another opportunity to become fitter, leaner, stronger, more flexible, or more balanced.

When you embrace the journey, you’ll eventually wake up one day and find you are ‘there’ – it’s just ‘there’ is different than you think it is now.

Work on changing your mindset along with your body and health. In part 2, I’ll discuss some tips I used to get started or to reinvigorate healthier choices when I’ve accidentally veered a little off track (or purposefully gone exploring in uncharted territory).

I hope you enjoyed this post and I would love to hear your comments (below, on FB, or in a msg or email).