Bullying

Let’s get real

~ smrtrainingllc ~ 1 Comment

Twice in the last few weeks the term ‘real’ has come up for me. In a @GirlsGoneStrong post, Molly Galbraith told us if there was a woman we admired – to tell her. I took a moment to tell a snow colleague of mine who brought me into fitness instruction and health consulting that I admire her tenacity, expertise, and mad pull-up skills (in spite of her numerous shoulder surgery set backs). 1*

She returned with a genuine compliment that she appreciates me “for being real.”
I’ve heard this descriptor (and the words genuine and authentic) a fair amount. I always have mixed emotions about them. While I certainly suffered from “FONFI” (the fear of not fitting in) as an adolescent and young adult, I’ve never seemed to have the same degree of concern as many. This has (in part) allowed me to experience an extraordinary amount of life that others shy away from. 

While I treasure being told I’m viewed and seen as authentic and real, I am always partially heartbroken at how many times and in how many different ways people limit their actions, opportunities, and personality from the fear of being judged or failing. 

SO I am going to take a few minutes to share ways I think about things (and others) that allow me to accept (them and myself) for exactly who and where we are. I do this in the hopes of further creating an environment, culture, and society that encourages people to celebrate who they are and support them in their journeys of who they become over time. 
Looks

I am a beautiful person (and so are you!). Whether it’s my smile, the ways my eyes light up, the concern I have for another’s well being, the way my butt looks in these pants, or that my body is capable of enormous feats….I am undeniably beautiful. 

Whether my ‘normal’ pants fit, that I have a mole on my nose like a witch, or that I sweat profusely when I train it in NO way diminishes that fact. Don’t let perceived flaws or the fear of how others view you negatively impact your life. 

This is by no means how I feel 100% of the time – I struggle also. BUT I work extraordinarily hard at not allowing my ‘off days’ (or weeks/months) control my overall view of myself or worth. 

Looking/Sounding Dumb or Silly

I am TERRIBLE at a lot of things. I know way LESS than so many people on so many subjects. There are so many things I’ve never tried or experienced or have any awareness about. 
Life can be so amazing though if you experience it. But you have to try. Even if you’re going to be bad at it and/or look silly. Children rarely refuse an opportunity, an experience, or a chance to play and look at how fast they grow and learn and how exciting it is to be around them. It can be exhausting for us if we’re out of practice.  

If there’s something you’re interested in trying or doing…give it a shot. BE THE TODDLER! And laugh when you’re terrible. I took up rugby in my 30’s. I have terrible hands and laughable throws and still struggle with the rules and strategy. But I’ve become a solid tackler, the practices and games are good for my heart and lungs, and I’ve met a ton of great people – many of whom are great friends now. So put yourself out there to others and you’ll see them do the same with you. 

Struggles
We’ve all got them. Every successful, talented, gorgeous human you see or meet has difficulties. 

I have relationship problems. I’m divorced. I have days where I hate my job. I struggle with finances. I’ve (in the last 2 years) experienced bouts with depression and anxiety. I sometimes act impulsively and selfishly. Sometimes I eat like crap, don’t exercise much, and drink too much. I don’t call my friends and family as much as I should. 

And you know what? I’m still me. And I’m always working to cause a little less harm, to do a little more good, and to be a little more accepting. 

Others struggle with torn families, disease, infertility, addiction, racism, etc. 

There’s no destination. It’s a journey. If you accept yourself today – right where you are now – you’ll be surprised at how much more you can do. You may even find that others will be drawn to you because they see elements of themselves in you. And that’s not to say that you have to air all your dirty laundry. Being private is ok. Just try not to deny pieces of you because they help make you the awesome person you are. 
In closing:

I would love to see more people who feel comfortable being real. Being genuine. Being authentic. 

So be you. Be the badass mom. Be the car guy. Be the nerdy scientist. Be the shitty cook. Be the terrible parker. Be the movie aficionado. Be the comedian. But be. In all your glory and faults. 

 “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

-Dr. Seuss 

1*: *kudos to Jean Wu Lam for inspiring it*

Compassion

~ smrtrainingllc ~ Leave a comment
What a strong word.  We often think of it in terms of having compassion for others.  For those less fortunate financially, for those less fortunate from a health capacity, for those less fortunate from a physical beauty or ability standpoint.  I applaud that – I believe compassion for others is one of the best traits a person can have.  Where I am continually shocked in life is by the lack of compassion people have for themselves.
We’ve all heard the saying, “I am my own worst critic” and it’s proven shockingly true to me time and time again.  I’ve been around some of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest, and most understanding people.  People who would stop at nothing to help someone in need, who would defend another against naysayers and critics, who would console anybody who seemed down and out.  Then these same people will say something I find completely unacceptable:
“I’m so fat”
“I’m gross”
“I look terrible”
“I’m so dumb”
“I’m too weak to do x”
“I could never do y”
“I’ll never get to point z”
These people would NEVER allow someone to say that about someone they know or care about.  They would never allow me to say those things about myself, so why do they say them about themselves?  Because they lack compassion for themselves.  We so often get into an all or nothing mentality when it comes to ourselves.  Either we’re dieting perfectly and working out like zealots OR we’re failures.  Either we are in competition show shape OR we’re horrifically fat and disgusting.  Either we’re hitting PRs OR we’re weak and lazy.
What we need to be is a bit more compassionate and realistic with ourselves.  No one is perfect.  We don’t expect it from anyone else and we certainly shouldn’t expect it from ourselves.  Does that mean we shouldn’t strive to be better or to succeed at our goals?  Of course not.  It does mean that we should show ourselves the same compassion and understanding that we would extend to anyone else.  Sometimes life throws us for a loop and we get a bit off track.  Sometimes we focus on another arena on our life and excel there while letting something else slip out of the limelight a bit.  This is OK.  This is acceptable.  This is life.
I ask all of you – the next time you hear someone use one of these compassionless statements about themselves – interrupt them.  Tell them that they are someone who matters, that they are successful, that they matter.  Remind them that they would never allow someone else to speak that way about someone they care about, so you are not going to allow them to talk to themselves that way.  Remind them that this is the example we set for impressionable children and teens all around us and that self worth and value and esteem is important.  The next time you begin talking to yourself the same way – please stop and know that you are enough.