Compassion

Kidney Donation (part 5 3/22/2021)

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18 months ago (several years ago actually for initial screening) I embarked on a journey to determine if I was a suitable candidate to donate my kidney to a loved one. I received much support and love (thank you all) but just before surgery it was determined that donation needed to be put on hold for a while.

Over the last few weeks I’ve undergone updated testing again and we are all systems “go”. We’re scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning (Tuesday the 23rd).

I am fortunate to have an incredibly vast support system of people in my life. To ensure people interested in the outcome can get updates easily, I’ve created a website with the help of the non profit Caring Bridge. Dave Isaacs is not only going to take my ass to the hospital at 5am tomorrow but will also post an update once we’re successfully out of surgery.

Update is expected around 11am or noon so log in then to see it I’m doing well or if it’s time to fight over my valuables!

https://www.caringbridge.org/public/shannonrucker

DO SOMETHING

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Today I was uncomfortable.

Do Something

I found myself doing something I’ve never felt compelled to do before: PROTEST.

I protested systemic racism and inequalities.

I protested the unexamined bias and privilege that contributes to and allows it to continue.

I protested the abhorrent and persistent treatment of blacks by racist cops.

Most importantly:I protested the horrific murder of George Floyd at the hands of a fellow American who had sworn to serve and protect his community in Minneapolis.

(My stop by the MLK memorial prior to joining the protest)

The questions and doubt riddled me with uncertainty and several times I nearly bailed before arriving (and once immediately after arriving).

– How do I find them?

– Will I belong there?

– Where do I stand?

– What do I say?

– Do I need a sign?

– Will it be dangerous?

– How long do I stay?


Then as I rounded the corner, I heard them. I felt the strength of their voices shaking and charging the air as it thudded against my chest while they chanted:


“What do we want?” – “Justice!”

“When do we want it?” – “Now!”


I skirted the crowd and initially watched from a few different viewpoints. The protestors were spread on the sidewalk on the north side of Lafayette Park (which was closed Saturday during nighttime protests)*

(A later chant of “George Floyd” as I was leaving)


Men, women, children. Blacks, whites, Hispanics, people of middle eastern, and more. Most wearing masks. Many had signs or shirts for the protest. Many had nothing.

It dawned on me that I was now “viewing” instead of participating in the very protest I had been so moved to join.
Because I was uncomfortable.

I remembered some of George Floyd’s last words:

“Momma, I’m through”

“Please, help”

“I can’t breathe”


I remembered this isn’t about me. I joined the group. I chanted. I clapped. I was angry. I was heart broken. I won’t pretend to know how others feel. I was happy so many people felt the same compulsion I did to DO SOMETHING.


Many people are angry but are getting hung up because they’re unsure what can be done. They’re afraid that things will return to the status quo again tomorrow.They’re afraid that because some protestors vandalized property that the cause isn’t worthwhile anymore? (people who believe this one still confuses me).


I’m here telling you to forget whatever your objections are and DO SOMETHING!

Not sure where to start?Here are 5 things you can do right now:

  1.  Google “How to be a better ally”
  2. Take this quiz from Harvard to determine your unconscious biases https://www.tolerance.org/professional-development/test-yourself-for-hidden-bias (and then work to address and change them!)
  3. Call out problematic language and behavior every time you hear it
  4. Read a book about privilege (Ideally written by a POC – person of color)
  5. If you have black friends (or other marginalized and discriminated against groups): listen to them. Read what they’re posting and sharing. 

I’m not an expert. I don’t have all the answers and I make mistakes all the time. Case in point: me making this protest about myself by initially focusing on my discomfort. And if I screwed something up here – point it out to me so I can be better.


But I’m working to be better every day. I’m working to honor the work done by others in this space. I’m working to change our country to one where parents of black children don’t have to have “the talk”. I’m working to prevent a murder like George Floyd’s from ever occurring again.

I challenge you to DO SOMETHING.

*For those unfamiliar: this is the area you see on tv during many Washington, DC protests with a view of the Whitehouse.

Musings of a 35 year old at Christmas

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– I now understand why my grandfather listened to the oldies on our ski trip road trips – when I turn on the radio ‘my jam’ is never on the ‘normal’ stations anymore. 

– I have caught myself saying both: 

“You got so big! You must have grown a foot!” And “Where does the time go!?” In the last month. 
– I have legitimately asked for socks for Christmas and will be excited if I get them. 
– I believe Christmas lights will always make me feel appreciative and optimistic. It’s still a fairly weird tradition though: 

“How should we celebrate the birth of our savior now that we have electricity at home?”

Answer = “Vomit the electricity on the outside of the house where it’s likely to get wet. And put it up high. No higher. Like on the roof. Jesus would really like that shit.”

But I guess most traditions are pretty weird. 
– Christmas countdown calendars still make me smile. As does remembering brutally fighting my brother for the right to move the mouse on Christmas Eve…
– I have many gifts in my life: my health, employment x3 and tomorrow x4, health insurance, food, and a warm and dry place to sleep. 

My greatest gift however; remains the caliber of people in my life. The family, friends, and loved ones I’ve woven across the world through snow, rugby, gym, work, scuba, LS, online, and other shenanigans. They enrich my life and and soul. 

I’m fortunate to be able to spend a day with the family who’s known me the longest: the ones who birthed and raised me. Not everyone has that luxury and it’s not one I’m taking lightly this year. Looking forward to Christmas. 
My resolution for 2019 is to leave each person I have the honor of interacting with in a better place than how I found them. 
Happy holidays all. 

Let’s get real

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Twice in the last few weeks the term ‘real’ has come up for me. In a @GirlsGoneStrong post, Molly Galbraith told us if there was a woman we admired – to tell her. I took a moment to tell a snow colleague of mine who brought me into fitness instruction and health consulting that I admire her tenacity, expertise, and mad pull-up skills (in spite of her numerous shoulder surgery set backs). 1*

She returned with a genuine compliment that she appreciates me “for being real.”
I’ve heard this descriptor (and the words genuine and authentic) a fair amount. I always have mixed emotions about them. While I certainly suffered from “FONFI” (the fear of not fitting in) as an adolescent and young adult, I’ve never seemed to have the same degree of concern as many. This has (in part) allowed me to experience an extraordinary amount of life that others shy away from. 

While I treasure being told I’m viewed and seen as authentic and real, I am always partially heartbroken at how many times and in how many different ways people limit their actions, opportunities, and personality from the fear of being judged or failing. 

SO I am going to take a few minutes to share ways I think about things (and others) that allow me to accept (them and myself) for exactly who and where we are. I do this in the hopes of further creating an environment, culture, and society that encourages people to celebrate who they are and support them in their journeys of who they become over time. 
Looks

I am a beautiful person (and so are you!). Whether it’s my smile, the ways my eyes light up, the concern I have for another’s well being, the way my butt looks in these pants, or that my body is capable of enormous feats….I am undeniably beautiful. 

Whether my ‘normal’ pants fit, that I have a mole on my nose like a witch, or that I sweat profusely when I train it in NO way diminishes that fact. Don’t let perceived flaws or the fear of how others view you negatively impact your life. 

This is by no means how I feel 100% of the time – I struggle also. BUT I work extraordinarily hard at not allowing my ‘off days’ (or weeks/months) control my overall view of myself or worth. 

Looking/Sounding Dumb or Silly

I am TERRIBLE at a lot of things. I know way LESS than so many people on so many subjects. There are so many things I’ve never tried or experienced or have any awareness about. 
Life can be so amazing though if you experience it. But you have to try. Even if you’re going to be bad at it and/or look silly. Children rarely refuse an opportunity, an experience, or a chance to play and look at how fast they grow and learn and how exciting it is to be around them. It can be exhausting for us if we’re out of practice.  

If there’s something you’re interested in trying or doing…give it a shot. BE THE TODDLER! And laugh when you’re terrible. I took up rugby in my 30’s. I have terrible hands and laughable throws and still struggle with the rules and strategy. But I’ve become a solid tackler, the practices and games are good for my heart and lungs, and I’ve met a ton of great people – many of whom are great friends now. So put yourself out there to others and you’ll see them do the same with you. 

Struggles
We’ve all got them. Every successful, talented, gorgeous human you see or meet has difficulties. 

I have relationship problems. I’m divorced. I have days where I hate my job. I struggle with finances. I’ve (in the last 2 years) experienced bouts with depression and anxiety. I sometimes act impulsively and selfishly. Sometimes I eat like crap, don’t exercise much, and drink too much. I don’t call my friends and family as much as I should. 

And you know what? I’m still me. And I’m always working to cause a little less harm, to do a little more good, and to be a little more accepting. 

Others struggle with torn families, disease, infertility, addiction, racism, etc. 

There’s no destination. It’s a journey. If you accept yourself today – right where you are now – you’ll be surprised at how much more you can do. You may even find that others will be drawn to you because they see elements of themselves in you. And that’s not to say that you have to air all your dirty laundry. Being private is ok. Just try not to deny pieces of you because they help make you the awesome person you are. 
In closing:

I would love to see more people who feel comfortable being real. Being genuine. Being authentic. 

So be you. Be the badass mom. Be the car guy. Be the nerdy scientist. Be the shitty cook. Be the terrible parker. Be the movie aficionado. Be the comedian. But be. In all your glory and faults. 

 “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

-Dr. Seuss 

1*: *kudos to Jean Wu Lam for inspiring it*

Compassion

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What a strong word.  We often think of it in terms of having compassion for others.  For those less fortunate financially, for those less fortunate from a health capacity, for those less fortunate from a physical beauty or ability standpoint.  I applaud that – I believe compassion for others is one of the best traits a person can have.  Where I am continually shocked in life is by the lack of compassion people have for themselves.
We’ve all heard the saying, “I am my own worst critic” and it’s proven shockingly true to me time and time again.  I’ve been around some of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest, and most understanding people.  People who would stop at nothing to help someone in need, who would defend another against naysayers and critics, who would console anybody who seemed down and out.  Then these same people will say something I find completely unacceptable:
“I’m so fat”
“I’m gross”
“I look terrible”
“I’m so dumb”
“I’m too weak to do x”
“I could never do y”
“I’ll never get to point z”
These people would NEVER allow someone to say that about someone they know or care about.  They would never allow me to say those things about myself, so why do they say them about themselves?  Because they lack compassion for themselves.  We so often get into an all or nothing mentality when it comes to ourselves.  Either we’re dieting perfectly and working out like zealots OR we’re failures.  Either we are in competition show shape OR we’re horrifically fat and disgusting.  Either we’re hitting PRs OR we’re weak and lazy.
What we need to be is a bit more compassionate and realistic with ourselves.  No one is perfect.  We don’t expect it from anyone else and we certainly shouldn’t expect it from ourselves.  Does that mean we shouldn’t strive to be better or to succeed at our goals?  Of course not.  It does mean that we should show ourselves the same compassion and understanding that we would extend to anyone else.  Sometimes life throws us for a loop and we get a bit off track.  Sometimes we focus on another arena on our life and excel there while letting something else slip out of the limelight a bit.  This is OK.  This is acceptable.  This is life.
I ask all of you – the next time you hear someone use one of these compassionless statements about themselves – interrupt them.  Tell them that they are someone who matters, that they are successful, that they matter.  Remind them that they would never allow someone else to speak that way about someone they care about, so you are not going to allow them to talk to themselves that way.  Remind them that this is the example we set for impressionable children and teens all around us and that self worth and value and esteem is important.  The next time you begin talking to yourself the same way – please stop and know that you are enough.