Health

Making Moves

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I am 40-years-old and I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up. For the last fourteen years, I have worked in residential mortgage: sales, operations, and management (with some dabbling in underwriting). Mortgage is not exactly a childhood dream career. I’ve yet to meet a child whose vision board holds amortization schedules, income calculations, and credit utilization formulas. And yet, it captured my interest for a long time.

Mortgage is a challenging industry. In addition to ensuring you meet all corporate and regulatory practices and laws, you must also meet your clients’ needs. Finances are a stress point for so many people and a home is typically an individual or family’s largest purchase. Layer that with ‘domino deals’ (one sale ensures/is required for the next person’s purchase/sale), home costs and interest rates outpacing many people’s ability to buy, limited inventory, and the ability of the average consumer to comparison shop to the bitter end of a transaction – and it is downright HARD to do a mortgage.

The challenges though have helped make me the calm, capable, problem solver I am today. I believe my value is not in being able to calculate LTV (loan to value) or DTI (debt to income) and instead lies in my ability to quickly assess competing priorities, distill complex problems, recognize and influence the motivations and behaviors of others, and find creative solutions. In the Washington, DC area, so often people equate what they do with who they are. It has never suited me well (although I accept those who connect with that type of identity statement) but deciding to leave mortgage gave me an opportunity to reflect on all of this.

So while I started this musing stating I’m not sure I want to be when I grow up, I have some ideas. I want to be a person who takes on challenges. A person who overcomes nervous excitement to pursue opportunities. A person who makes others feel special, seen, and understood. A person who learns new sports (or instruments or languages or all of the above). A person who takes occasional naps and appreciates beautiful sunsets and vistas. I want to be a person who takes the lessons, skills, and experiences from fourteen years of mortgage into my new job tomorrow morning in a new (to me) industry. A person who excitedly packed western attire and is wearing my cowboy hat on the Amtrak train to DC because her new job has a themed Thursday once a month.

I find writing cathartic. So if you’ve stayed with me so far, thank you for reading. Perhaps something will resonate with you too. If you figure out what you’d like to be when you grow up, I’d love to hear about it!

Kidney donation (part 6 – surgery & beyond)

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Wow. I woke up the first time Tuesday 3/23/21 with both kidneys and went to sleep for the night with one.

Here’s my surgery and post surgery updates so far:

Tuesday pre surgery: arrived at the hospital and checked in. Was brought back very quickly and provided my beautiful gown and yellow socks. Had an IV put in and was deemed eligible for a nerve block (this really helps the pain level in recovery). Got pushed the anesthesia and went away. They then spent time positioning my body, installing a 2nd IV while I was asleep, and installing my catheter. They got to work and active surgery time was approx 90 minutes.

Tuesday post surgery: I “woke up” in the recovery room. This was the most pain I experienced. Was here for 3-4 hours and they gave me really great, fast acting pain killers. Around 3:30pm, I was moved to my hospital room. After the nurses did their initial evaluation, my visitor was able to come see me. I was pretty thirsty and started drinking water. Dinner was clear liquids (yay ice pops for dinner).

Wednesday: Catheter removed (this went way better than I was afraid!). Transitioned from the pain button to oral pain meds. Told to get up and start walking! Allowed to eat real foods which I enjoyed immensely.

Thursday: Got the ok to go home! Was taking very little pain medication other than extra strength Tylenol at this point. Also got the ok to visit my recipient!! This was the highlight of my stay. The drive home required a few stops to ensure the risk of clots was reduced and because Pennsylvania’s 78 sucks from a surface perspective.

Saturday: I’m back home. Comfortably watching tv, reading, and scrolling my phone. The only pain killer I need currently is Tylenol. I’m eating normally, drinking lots of fluid, and today I took a (slow) half mile walk to the mailbox and back.

Following Thursday: Had my post op follow up. Everything looks great. Reminded not to do anything strenuous for 6-8 weeks post surgery but encouraged to continue walking as much as desired. My donor is expected to be released tomorrow. I go back to work Monday.

Please consider live donation.

Are there considerations? Of course.

Is everyone a suitable candidate? No.

But my gosh – this process has been absurdly simple and easy from my perspective and experience.

⁃ No major, long term lifestyle adjustments for me.

⁃ Short hospital stint followed by home recovery.

⁃ Donor’s do not use their own insurance for this.

⁃ I’ll be back to work in no time. 2 weeks off total (although some need closer to 4 and strenuous jobs will need 8) and I was covered under short term disability.

The payoff? Life.

I met a former recipient at my follow up appointment. He had received his kidney 12 years ago and he expressed such immense gratitude to me for donating upon meeting me and shared what it had done for his life.

I’ve talked to friends who have either received an organ, donated an organ, or had a loved one receive an organ – there is such need and such an amazing payoff.

While the kidney is the most commonly donated organ, other organs you can make a living donation of include your liver (it regenerates), your pancreas, your lung, or a portion of your intestines.

If an organ is intimidating – I encourage you to do something. Donate blood, platelets, bone, bone marrow, skin, time, or money.

Please consider being an organ donor and ensure your family is aware of your desires.

If you have ANY questions – hit me up. I’m more than happy to answer any of them!

Kidney Donation (part 5 3/22/2021)

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18 months ago (several years ago actually for initial screening) I embarked on a journey to determine if I was a suitable candidate to donate my kidney to a loved one. I received much support and love (thank you all) but just before surgery it was determined that donation needed to be put on hold for a while.

Over the last few weeks I’ve undergone updated testing again and we are all systems “go”. We’re scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning (Tuesday the 23rd).

I am fortunate to have an incredibly vast support system of people in my life. To ensure people interested in the outcome can get updates easily, I’ve created a website with the help of the non profit Caring Bridge. Dave Isaacs is not only going to take my ass to the hospital at 5am tomorrow but will also post an update once we’re successfully out of surgery.

Update is expected around 11am or noon so log in then to see it I’m doing well or if it’s time to fight over my valuables!

https://www.caringbridge.org/public/shannonrucker

Kidney Donation (part 4)

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At my transplant hospital, there is a pair of adjoining OR rooms blocked out every Tuesday for live kidney transplants. Adjoining rooms is the best option for transplants as it has the lowest amount of time between kidney out and kidney in.

When I arrive they’ll put me to sleep and once I’m under anesthesia, they’ll place compression boots on my feet/legs to minimize the chance of clots, and they’ll give me a catheter. To be perfectly honest – I’m scared of the catheter. I’ve never had one and that is the part of the procedure I am least looking forward to (at least I’ll be unconscious).

Doc will cut me open and they’ll perform the surgery. The technique my surgeon chose is a hand assisted technique (hands remain one of the most advanced tools available). My largest incision will be a vertical cut of 3-4” below my belly button. I will also have a few minor incisions to install instrument ports for the camera and other tools used.

Once my kidney is out, they’ll sew me up, start waking me up, and take me to the recovery room. I’ll need to spend two or three days in the hospital. They’ll remove the catheter while I’m awake. I’m not looking forward to this.

At. All. They’ll make me get up and start walking around the next day. I can go home once I can eat and pee on my own.

They’ve warned me that often this is when the really difficult part begins for donors.

Recipients enter the hospital feeling awful. Their bodies have had nearly poisonous blood circulating for years. They’re generally weak and don’t feel super great. Once they receive a working kidney – they start feeling better immediately (because their blood gets cleaned!).

Conversely: donors are healthy. They enter surgery feeling pretty great. Then they have a major organ cut out. They go from feeling physically good and altruistic to feeling pretty banged up and often the ‘excitement’ disappears.

I’m hopeful my recovery will be smooth. I have a great support network and a LOT to look forward to once I heal. I’m hoping this combination is enough to stave off depression. I know that if I experience it though – it’s normal and my transplant staff will ensure I get the assistance I need.

I’m also REALLY excited that my recipient may start to feel better. I love her very much. I’ve known her my whole life and she wrote a song about me that I still sing on occasion.

I’m also really excited about the ripple effect this may have. A person close to me is now considering live donation. I’ve had several people tell me they are considering platelet donation as a result of my blogs. I’ve also raised a little bit of money for the National Kidney Foundation.

I’m really hoping that this continues. You don’t need to have much to make a big difference and I hope you consider making a meaningful difference in someone’s life.

DO SOMETHING

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Today I was uncomfortable.

Do Something

I found myself doing something I’ve never felt compelled to do before: PROTEST.

I protested systemic racism and inequalities.

I protested the unexamined bias and privilege that contributes to and allows it to continue.

I protested the abhorrent and persistent treatment of blacks by racist cops.

Most importantly:I protested the horrific murder of George Floyd at the hands of a fellow American who had sworn to serve and protect his community in Minneapolis.

(My stop by the MLK memorial prior to joining the protest)

The questions and doubt riddled me with uncertainty and several times I nearly bailed before arriving (and once immediately after arriving).

– How do I find them?

– Will I belong there?

– Where do I stand?

– What do I say?

– Do I need a sign?

– Will it be dangerous?

– How long do I stay?


Then as I rounded the corner, I heard them. I felt the strength of their voices shaking and charging the air as it thudded against my chest while they chanted:


“What do we want?” – “Justice!”

“When do we want it?” – “Now!”


I skirted the crowd and initially watched from a few different viewpoints. The protestors were spread on the sidewalk on the north side of Lafayette Park (which was closed Saturday during nighttime protests)*

(A later chant of “George Floyd” as I was leaving)


Men, women, children. Blacks, whites, Hispanics, people of middle eastern, and more. Most wearing masks. Many had signs or shirts for the protest. Many had nothing.

It dawned on me that I was now “viewing” instead of participating in the very protest I had been so moved to join.
Because I was uncomfortable.

I remembered some of George Floyd’s last words:

“Momma, I’m through”

“Please, help”

“I can’t breathe”


I remembered this isn’t about me. I joined the group. I chanted. I clapped. I was angry. I was heart broken. I won’t pretend to know how others feel. I was happy so many people felt the same compulsion I did to DO SOMETHING.


Many people are angry but are getting hung up because they’re unsure what can be done. They’re afraid that things will return to the status quo again tomorrow.They’re afraid that because some protestors vandalized property that the cause isn’t worthwhile anymore? (people who believe this one still confuses me).


I’m here telling you to forget whatever your objections are and DO SOMETHING!

Not sure where to start?Here are 5 things you can do right now:

  1.  Google “How to be a better ally”
  2. Take this quiz from Harvard to determine your unconscious biases https://www.tolerance.org/professional-development/test-yourself-for-hidden-bias (and then work to address and change them!)
  3. Call out problematic language and behavior every time you hear it
  4. Read a book about privilege (Ideally written by a POC – person of color)
  5. If you have black friends (or other marginalized and discriminated against groups): listen to them. Read what they’re posting and sharing. 

I’m not an expert. I don’t have all the answers and I make mistakes all the time. Case in point: me making this protest about myself by initially focusing on my discomfort. And if I screwed something up here – point it out to me so I can be better.


But I’m working to be better every day. I’m working to honor the work done by others in this space. I’m working to change our country to one where parents of black children don’t have to have “the talk”. I’m working to prevent a murder like George Floyd’s from ever occurring again.

I challenge you to DO SOMETHING.

*For those unfamiliar: this is the area you see on tv during many Washington, DC protests with a view of the Whitehouse.

Musings of a 35 year old at Christmas

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– I now understand why my grandfather listened to the oldies on our ski trip road trips – when I turn on the radio ‘my jam’ is never on the ‘normal’ stations anymore. 

– I have caught myself saying both: 

“You got so big! You must have grown a foot!” And “Where does the time go!?” In the last month. 
– I have legitimately asked for socks for Christmas and will be excited if I get them. 
– I believe Christmas lights will always make me feel appreciative and optimistic. It’s still a fairly weird tradition though: 

“How should we celebrate the birth of our savior now that we have electricity at home?”

Answer = “Vomit the electricity on the outside of the house where it’s likely to get wet. And put it up high. No higher. Like on the roof. Jesus would really like that shit.”

But I guess most traditions are pretty weird. 
– Christmas countdown calendars still make me smile. As does remembering brutally fighting my brother for the right to move the mouse on Christmas Eve…
– I have many gifts in my life: my health, employment x3 and tomorrow x4, health insurance, food, and a warm and dry place to sleep. 

My greatest gift however; remains the caliber of people in my life. The family, friends, and loved ones I’ve woven across the world through snow, rugby, gym, work, scuba, LS, online, and other shenanigans. They enrich my life and and soul. 

I’m fortunate to be able to spend a day with the family who’s known me the longest: the ones who birthed and raised me. Not everyone has that luxury and it’s not one I’m taking lightly this year. Looking forward to Christmas. 
My resolution for 2019 is to leave each person I have the honor of interacting with in a better place than how I found them. 
Happy holidays all. 

Let’s get real

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Twice in the last few weeks the term ‘real’ has come up for me. In a @GirlsGoneStrong post, Molly Galbraith told us if there was a woman we admired – to tell her. I took a moment to tell a snow colleague of mine who brought me into fitness instruction and health consulting that I admire her tenacity, expertise, and mad pull-up skills (in spite of her numerous shoulder surgery set backs). 1*

She returned with a genuine compliment that she appreciates me “for being real.”
I’ve heard this descriptor (and the words genuine and authentic) a fair amount. I always have mixed emotions about them. While I certainly suffered from “FONFI” (the fear of not fitting in) as an adolescent and young adult, I’ve never seemed to have the same degree of concern as many. This has (in part) allowed me to experience an extraordinary amount of life that others shy away from. 

While I treasure being told I’m viewed and seen as authentic and real, I am always partially heartbroken at how many times and in how many different ways people limit their actions, opportunities, and personality from the fear of being judged or failing. 

SO I am going to take a few minutes to share ways I think about things (and others) that allow me to accept (them and myself) for exactly who and where we are. I do this in the hopes of further creating an environment, culture, and society that encourages people to celebrate who they are and support them in their journeys of who they become over time. 
Looks

I am a beautiful person (and so are you!). Whether it’s my smile, the ways my eyes light up, the concern I have for another’s well being, the way my butt looks in these pants, or that my body is capable of enormous feats….I am undeniably beautiful. 

Whether my ‘normal’ pants fit, that I have a mole on my nose like a witch, or that I sweat profusely when I train it in NO way diminishes that fact. Don’t let perceived flaws or the fear of how others view you negatively impact your life. 

This is by no means how I feel 100% of the time – I struggle also. BUT I work extraordinarily hard at not allowing my ‘off days’ (or weeks/months) control my overall view of myself or worth. 

Looking/Sounding Dumb or Silly

I am TERRIBLE at a lot of things. I know way LESS than so many people on so many subjects. There are so many things I’ve never tried or experienced or have any awareness about. 
Life can be so amazing though if you experience it. But you have to try. Even if you’re going to be bad at it and/or look silly. Children rarely refuse an opportunity, an experience, or a chance to play and look at how fast they grow and learn and how exciting it is to be around them. It can be exhausting for us if we’re out of practice.  

If there’s something you’re interested in trying or doing…give it a shot. BE THE TODDLER! And laugh when you’re terrible. I took up rugby in my 30’s. I have terrible hands and laughable throws and still struggle with the rules and strategy. But I’ve become a solid tackler, the practices and games are good for my heart and lungs, and I’ve met a ton of great people – many of whom are great friends now. So put yourself out there to others and you’ll see them do the same with you. 

Struggles
We’ve all got them. Every successful, talented, gorgeous human you see or meet has difficulties. 

I have relationship problems. I’m divorced. I have days where I hate my job. I struggle with finances. I’ve (in the last 2 years) experienced bouts with depression and anxiety. I sometimes act impulsively and selfishly. Sometimes I eat like crap, don’t exercise much, and drink too much. I don’t call my friends and family as much as I should. 

And you know what? I’m still me. And I’m always working to cause a little less harm, to do a little more good, and to be a little more accepting. 

Others struggle with torn families, disease, infertility, addiction, racism, etc. 

There’s no destination. It’s a journey. If you accept yourself today – right where you are now – you’ll be surprised at how much more you can do. You may even find that others will be drawn to you because they see elements of themselves in you. And that’s not to say that you have to air all your dirty laundry. Being private is ok. Just try not to deny pieces of you because they help make you the awesome person you are. 
In closing:

I would love to see more people who feel comfortable being real. Being genuine. Being authentic. 

So be you. Be the badass mom. Be the car guy. Be the nerdy scientist. Be the shitty cook. Be the terrible parker. Be the movie aficionado. Be the comedian. But be. In all your glory and faults. 

 “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

-Dr. Seuss 

1*: *kudos to Jean Wu Lam for inspiring it*

I can’t. 

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“I can’t.”These are my 2 least favorite words. Especially as a teacher or coach. (I’m also going to be using these words interchangeably throughout this piece).

When you teach a lesson, clinic, certification program, or are merely answering a question from a buddy….there are times when these words pop up. There is no condition, illness, or environment more devastating than the “I can’t” affliction. 
It’s quite possible this affliction is the roadblock stopping you from achieving your goals. This affliction is easily treated though through simple mental shifts. My job as a coach is to try and lead you through your brain maze when it keeps putting up “I can’t” roadblocks. 


While I consider them helpful in any area, they came to mind as the temps drop I gear up for SNOW! Here are a few quick ways to shift your perspective and cure you of that dreaded “I can’t disease”:

– “I can’t, yet” – adding this 3 letter word takes something from an impossibility to an eventuality. The subtle shift in language translates big time in attitude. It’s important to remember that the loftier the goal, the more involved the prep is and that can impact the length of time to get there. It’s important to set milestone goals within our big/long term goals. 
– “Is there another way to accomplish this same thing differently?” – many of us struggle with injuries, physical limitations, or conditions. But there is almost ALWAYS another way to skin the cat (what a weird saying). If you’ve got a bum ankle, crappy depth perception, or lack strength in an arena – there’s probably a way to modify the activity or achieve the end result. That being said, certain goals require certain fundamentals – but don’t worry if you don’t possess those. You just don’t possess them yet. There’s a lot of (damn near) magic occurring in the realms of science, medicine, physical therapy, chiropractors, rehab, and strength and conditioning. Find the support/team to help get you to your goals – sometimes it takes a village. 
–  “That wasn’t it – but let me try it again” – when learning something new….you should have an expectation that you’ll need to work on it. You might need to work on it a LOT to make even a little progress. If you start the session by accepting that there’s likely to be repeated failures BUT with a commitment to continue trying anyway – it’s a game changer. 
–  “I can’t today” – it’s normal to get frustrated. Or tired. Or hungry. Or a combination (maybe that’s just me). When used sensibly to throw the towel in for safety or sanity, a time out is a perfectly acceptable tool while working towards your goal. 
The above list is certainly not all encompassing but if it saves me hearing (or saying) “I can’t” even once this year, then it was well worth it. Be aware of your obstacles. Especially if you’re the one building them. 

Boxing felt like getting hit by a train – you should try it! No, really!

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This weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Level 1 and Level 2 boxing certifications taught by the renowned Tony Jeffries (Olympic boxing bronze medalist) and Glenn Holmes (celebrity trainer) of California based Box ‘n Burn. 

Although I’ve dabbled in a number of sports and athletic endeavors AND coached for 8 years, I’ve never really had the pleasure of getting wrapped, strapping on the gloves, and getting busy. Over the 2 days I learned an incredible amount of information, technique, and tips from some of the most skilled coaches in the country. 
It also kicked my ass. Boxing worked my arms, shoulders, and cardiovascular system as you might expect. It also worked my back, lats, core, legs, calves, and probably most of all: my brain. Yup. All of me. To the point where I wasn’t sure I could get out of bed this morning. And I couldn’t be happier. 
Boxing made me feel powerful. There’s something that makes you feel badass when you put wraps on. That feeling intensifies the first time you land a really solid hit, nail a new punch or combo, or successfully roll away from a ‘hit’ from the mitts (mitts = when your coach mimics live fighting 1:1 with you and you have to think and react on your feet…literally). Plus hitting things makes you feel really, really good!
I think we could all stand exposure to things that make us feel a little more capable and strong. Boxing does that while also providing challenge and allowing self growth. If you’re excited, if you’re nervous, if you’re horribly out of shape, if you’re in great shape, if you’ve never done it before, or if you want to get back into it….boxing for fitness is a great thing to incorporate in your routine. If you’re not sure how or where to get started – shoot me a message – even if you’re not in my area! I’ve now got a network of pro’s and can help find you the right fit. 
P.S. – Don’t worry about being sore – my certification was an intense 2 day event for professionals…when we introduce you to it, you’ll just be happily tired and not trainkill (train roadkill)!
#blackoutboxing #boxnburn #hitstuff #fitness #gym #exercise #therapy #tysonsplayground #fitness4everybody #rocky #recovery

Progress not perfection

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So I’ve been busy and stressed from juggling a lot of different things at once. I was excited to go to workout last night because lifting heavy things usually makes me feel strong and accomplished and helps me de-stress.

The deadlifts started well enough and I felt good about my form. Then we moved to pull-ups: things started to slide downhill from there. I can’t do a pull-up right now. This is in small part because I haven’t been focused on them or those muscle groups for the past several months. It is in large part because I’ve gained weight over the winter. I haven’t been eating cleanly, working out consistently, and I’ve enjoyed many extra beers during ski season that I don’t drink the rest of the year.
Then we moved to kettlebell swings and sure enough, my coach had some constructive feedback for me about my form. I found myself taking it harder than I normally do. I usually enjoy suggestions to make myself better. Tonight I just felt like a failure. As I sat in the car afterwards feeling myself become more angry with myself and more depressed, I had a realization:
I was using my perfectionism to become an excuse: since I wasn’t ‘perfect’ I was a failure.
For some of you that sounds ludicrous. For some though, it rings a bit true. I allowed myself to wallow in my ‘failures’ and depression last night and think about all of the alternative decisions I could have made over the past few months:
Going to the gym more consistently
Eating better
Drinking less
Practicing form more consistently
This morning though, I woke up with some perspective (as I often do). I remembered that life is about the journey…not the destination. The decisions I made in the past few months may not have furthered my gym and health goals, but they didn’t make me a failure. In fact, I made some pretty great decisions and accomplished a fair amount in the past few months…it was just in different areas of my life:
Achieving my PSIA level II certification
Rediscovering joy in my personal skiing
Becoming closer to my husband and bettering our relationship
Creating great memories with friends I (usually) only see in the winter
I’ve done all of this while still working full time, helping with a few philanthropic endeavors, and finally getting caught up with Game of Thrones. I’ve realized that what I need to do is take my own advice, give myself a little compassion. I am now looking at my current physical state as an opportunity for additional growth and development and a chance to practice what I preach:

Success
Success