I am 40-years-old and I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up. For the last fourteen years, I have worked in residential mortgage: sales, operations, and management (with some dabbling in underwriting). Mortgage is not exactly a childhood dream career. I’ve yet to meet a child whose vision board holds amortization schedules, income calculations, and credit utilization formulas. And yet, it captured my interest for a long time.
Mortgage is a challenging industry. In addition to ensuring you meet all corporate and regulatory practices and laws, you must also meet your clients’ needs. Finances are a stress point for so many people and a home is typically an individual or family’s largest purchase. Layer that with ‘domino deals’ (one sale ensures/is required for the next person’s purchase/sale), home costs and interest rates outpacing many people’s ability to buy, limited inventory, and the ability of the average consumer to comparison shop to the bitter end of a transaction – and it is downright HARD to do a mortgage.
The challenges though have helped make me the calm, capable, problem solver I am today. I believe my value is not in being able to calculate LTV (loan to value) or DTI (debt to income) and instead lies in my ability to quickly assess competing priorities, distill complex problems, recognize and influence the motivations and behaviors of others, and find creative solutions. In the Washington, DC area, so often people equate what they do with who they are. It has never suited me well (although I accept those who connect with that type of identity statement) but deciding to leave mortgage gave me an opportunity to reflect on all of this.
So while I started this musing stating I’m not sure I want to be when I grow up, I have some ideas. I want to be a person who takes on challenges. A person who overcomes nervous excitement to pursue opportunities. A person who makes others feel special, seen, and understood. A person who learns new sports (or instruments or languages or all of the above). A person who takes occasional naps and appreciates beautiful sunsets and vistas. I want to be a person who takes the lessons, skills, and experiences from fourteen years of mortgage into my new job tomorrow morning in a new (to me) industry. A person who excitedly packed western attire and is wearing my cowboy hat on the Amtrak train to DC because her new job has a themed Thursday once a month.
I find writing cathartic. So if you’ve stayed with me so far, thank you for reading. Perhaps something will resonate with you too. If you figure out what you’d like to be when you grow up, I’d love to hear about it!
Wow. I woke up the first time Tuesday 3/23/21 with both kidneys and went to sleep for the night with one.
Here’s my surgery and post surgery updates so far:
Tuesday pre surgery: arrived at the hospital and checked in. Was brought back very quickly and provided my beautiful gown and yellow socks. Had an IV put in and was deemed eligible for a nerve block (this really helps the pain level in recovery). Got pushed the anesthesia and went away. They then spent time positioning my body, installing a 2nd IV while I was asleep, and installing my catheter. They got to work and active surgery time was approx 90 minutes.
Tuesday post surgery: I “woke up” in the recovery room. This was the most pain I experienced. Was here for 3-4 hours and they gave me really great, fast acting pain killers. Around 3:30pm, I was moved to my hospital room. After the nurses did their initial evaluation, my visitor was able to come see me. I was pretty thirsty and started drinking water. Dinner was clear liquids (yay ice pops for dinner).
Wednesday: Catheter removed (this went way better than I was afraid!). Transitioned from the pain button to oral pain meds. Told to get up and start walking! Allowed to eat real foods which I enjoyed immensely.
Thursday: Got the ok to go home! Was taking very little pain medication other than extra strength Tylenol at this point. Also got the ok to visit my recipient!! This was the highlight of my stay. The drive home required a few stops to ensure the risk of clots was reduced and because Pennsylvania’s 78 sucks from a surface perspective.
Saturday: I’m back home. Comfortably watching tv, reading, and scrolling my phone. The only pain killer I need currently is Tylenol. I’m eating normally, drinking lots of fluid, and today I took a (slow) half mile walk to the mailbox and back.
Following Thursday: Had my post op follow up. Everything looks great. Reminded not to do anything strenuous for 6-8 weeks post surgery but encouraged to continue walking as much as desired. My donor is expected to be released tomorrow. I go back to work Monday.
Please consider live donation.
Are there considerations? Of course.
Is everyone a suitable candidate? No.
But my gosh – this process has been absurdly simple and easy from my perspective and experience.
⁃ No major, long term lifestyle adjustments for me.
⁃ Short hospital stint followed by home recovery.
⁃ Donor’s do not use their own insurance for this.
⁃ I’ll be back to work in no time. 2 weeks off total (although some need closer to 4 and strenuous jobs will need 8) and I was covered under short term disability.
The payoff? Life.
I met a former recipient at my follow up appointment. He had received his kidney 12 years ago and he expressed such immense gratitude to me for donating upon meeting me and shared what it had done for his life.
I’ve talked to friends who have either received an organ, donated an organ, or had a loved one receive an organ – there is such need and such an amazing payoff.
While the kidney is the most commonly donated organ, other organs you can make a living donation of include your liver (it regenerates), your pancreas, your lung, or a portion of your intestines.
If an organ is intimidating – I encourage you to do something. Donate blood, platelets, bone, bone marrow, skin, time, or money.
Please consider being an organ donor and ensure your family is aware of your desires.
If you have ANY questions – hit me up. I’m more than happy to answer any of them!
18 months ago (several years ago actually for initial screening) I embarked on a journey to determine if I was a suitable candidate to donate my kidney to a loved one. I received much support and love (thank you all) but just before surgery it was determined that donation needed to be put on hold for a while.
Over the last few weeks I’ve undergone updated testing again and we are all systems “go”. We’re scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning (Tuesday the 23rd).
I am fortunate to have an incredibly vast support system of people in my life. To ensure people interested in the outcome can get updates easily, I’ve created a website with the help of the non profit Caring Bridge. Dave Isaacs is not only going to take my ass to the hospital at 5am tomorrow but will also post an update once we’re successfully out of surgery.
Update is expected around 11am or noon so log in then to see it I’m doing well or if it’s time to fight over my valuables!
At my transplant hospital, there is a pair of adjoining OR rooms blocked out every Tuesday for live kidney transplants. Adjoining rooms is the best option for transplants as it has the lowest amount of time between kidney out and kidney in.
When I arrive they’ll put me to sleep and once I’m under anesthesia, they’ll place compression boots on my feet/legs to minimize the chance of clots, and they’ll give me a catheter. To be perfectly honest – I’m scared of the catheter. I’ve never had one and that is the part of the procedure I am least looking forward to (at least I’ll be unconscious).
Doc will cut me open and they’ll perform the surgery. The technique my surgeon chose is a hand assisted technique (hands remain one of the most advanced tools available). My largest incision will be a vertical cut of 3-4” below my belly button. I will also have a few minor incisions to install instrument ports for the camera and other tools used.
Once my kidney is out, they’ll sew me up, start waking me up, and take me to the recovery room. I’ll need to spend two or three days in the hospital. They’ll remove the catheter while I’m awake. I’m not looking forward to this.
At. All. They’ll make me get up and start walking around the next day. I can go home once I can eat and pee on my own.
They’ve warned me that often this is when the really difficult part begins for donors.
Recipients enter the hospital feeling awful. Their bodies have had nearly poisonous blood circulating for years. They’re generally weak and don’t feel super great. Once they receive a working kidney – they start feeling better immediately (because their blood gets cleaned!).
Conversely: donors are healthy. They enter surgery feeling pretty great. Then they have a major organ cut out. They go from feeling physically good and altruistic to feeling pretty banged up and often the ‘excitement’ disappears.
I’m hopeful my recovery will be smooth. I have a great support network and a LOT to look forward to once I heal. I’m hoping this combination is enough to stave off depression. I know that if I experience it though – it’s normal and my transplant staff will ensure I get the assistance I need.
I’m also REALLY excited that my recipient may start to feel better. I love her very much. I’ve known her my whole life and she wrote a song about me that I still sing on occasion.
I’m also really excited about the ripple effect this may have. A person close to me is now considering live donation. I’ve had several people tell me they are considering platelet donation as a result of my blogs. I’ve also raised a little bit of money for the National Kidney Foundation.
I’m really hoping that this continues. You don’t need to have much to make a big difference and I hope you consider making a meaningful difference in someone’s life.
– I now understand why my grandfather listened to the oldies on our ski trip road trips – when I turn on the radio ‘my jam’ is never on the ‘normal’ stations anymore.
– I have caught myself saying both:
“You got so big! You must have grown a foot!” And “Where does the time go!?” In the last month.
– I have legitimately asked for socks for Christmas and will be excited if I get them.
– I believe Christmas lights will always make me feel appreciative and optimistic. It’s still a fairly weird tradition though:
“How should we celebrate the birth of our savior now that we have electricity at home?”
Answer = “Vomit the electricity on the outside of the house where it’s likely to get wet. And put it up high. No higher. Like on the roof. Jesus would really like that shit.”
But I guess most traditions are pretty weird.
– Christmas countdown calendars still make me smile. As does remembering brutally fighting my brother for the right to move the mouse on Christmas Eve…
– I have many gifts in my life: my health, employment x3 and tomorrow x4, health insurance, food, and a warm and dry place to sleep.
My greatest gift however; remains the caliber of people in my life. The family, friends, and loved ones I’ve woven across the world through snow, rugby, gym, work, scuba, LS, online, and other shenanigans. They enrich my life and and soul.
I’m fortunate to be able to spend a day with the family who’s known me the longest: the ones who birthed and raised me. Not everyone has that luxury and it’s not one I’m taking lightly this year. Looking forward to Christmas.
My resolution for 2019 is to leave each person I have the honor of interacting with in a better place than how I found them.
Happy holidays all.
Twice in the last few weeks the term ‘real’ has come up for me. In a @GirlsGoneStrong post, Molly Galbraith told us if there was a woman we admired – to tell her. I took a moment to tell a snow colleague of mine who brought me into fitness instruction and health consulting that I admire her tenacity, expertise, and mad pull-up skills (in spite of her numerous shoulder surgery set backs). 1*
She returned with a genuine compliment that she appreciates me “for being real.”
I’ve heard this descriptor (and the words genuine and authentic) a fair amount. I always have mixed emotions about them. While I certainly suffered from “FONFI” (the fear of not fitting in) as an adolescent and young adult, I’ve never seemed to have the same degree of concern as many. This has (in part) allowed me to experience an extraordinary amount of life that others shy away from.
While I treasure being told I’m viewed and seen as authentic and real, I am always partially heartbroken at how many times and in how many different ways people limit their actions, opportunities, and personality from the fear of being judged or failing.
SO I am going to take a few minutes to share ways I think about things (and others) that allow me to accept (them and myself) for exactly who and where we are. I do this in the hopes of further creating an environment, culture, and society that encourages people to celebrate who they are and support them in their journeys of who they become over time. Looks
I am a beautiful person (and so are you!). Whether it’s my smile, the ways my eyes light up, the concern I have for another’s well being, the way my butt looks in these pants, or that my body is capable of enormous feats….I am undeniably beautiful.
Whether my ‘normal’ pants fit, that I have a mole on my nose like a witch, or that I sweat profusely when I train it in NO way diminishes that fact. Don’t let perceived flaws or the fear of how others view you negatively impact your life.
This is by no means how I feel 100% of the time – I struggle also. BUT I work extraordinarily hard at not allowing my ‘off days’ (or weeks/months) control my overall view of myself or worth.
Looking/Sounding Dumb or Silly
I am TERRIBLE at a lot of things. I know way LESS than so many people on so many subjects. There are so many things I’ve never tried or experienced or have any awareness about.
Life can be so amazing though if you experience it. But you have to try. Even if you’re going to be bad at it and/or look silly. Children rarely refuse an opportunity, an experience, or a chance to play and look at how fast they grow and learn and how exciting it is to be around them. It can be exhausting for us if we’re out of practice.
If there’s something you’re interested in trying or doing…give it a shot. BE THE TODDLER! And laugh when you’re terrible. I took up rugby in my 30’s. I have terrible hands and laughable throws and still struggle with the rules and strategy. But I’ve become a solid tackler, the practices and games are good for my heart and lungs, and I’ve met a ton of great people – many of whom are great friends now. So put yourself out there to others and you’ll see them do the same with you.
Struggles
We’ve all got them. Every successful, talented, gorgeous human you see or meet has difficulties.
I have relationship problems. I’m divorced. I have days where I hate my job. I struggle with finances. I’ve (in the last 2 years) experienced bouts with depression and anxiety. I sometimes act impulsively and selfishly. Sometimes I eat like crap, don’t exercise much, and drink too much. I don’t call my friends and family as much as I should.
And you know what? I’m still me. And I’m always working to cause a little less harm, to do a little more good, and to be a little more accepting.
Others struggle with torn families, disease, infertility, addiction, racism, etc.
There’s no destination. It’s a journey. If you accept yourself today – right where you are now – you’ll be surprised at how much more you can do. You may even find that others will be drawn to you because they see elements of themselves in you. And that’s not to say that you have to air all your dirty laundry. Being private is ok. Just try not to deny pieces of you because they help make you the awesome person you are.
In closing:
I would love to see more people who feel comfortable being real. Being genuine. Being authentic.
So be you. Be the badass mom. Be the car guy. Be the nerdy scientist. Be the shitty cook. Be the terrible parker. Be the movie aficionado. Be the comedian. But be. In all your glory and faults.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
“I can’t.”These are my 2 least favorite words. Especially as a teacher or coach. (I’m also going to be using these words interchangeably throughout this piece).
When you teach a lesson, clinic, certification program, or are merely answering a question from a buddy….there are times when these words pop up. There is no condition, illness, or environment more devastating than the “I can’t” affliction.
It’s quite possible this affliction is the roadblock stopping you from achieving your goals. This affliction is easily treated though through simple mental shifts. My job as a coach is to try and lead you through your brain maze when it keeps putting up “I can’t” roadblocks.
While I consider them helpful in any area, they came to mind as the temps drop I gear up for SNOW! Here are a few quick ways to shift your perspective and cure you of that dreaded “I can’t disease”:
– “I can’t, yet” – adding this 3 letter word takes something from an impossibility to an eventuality. The subtle shift in language translates big time in attitude. It’s important to remember that the loftier the goal, the more involved the prep is and that can impact the length of time to get there. It’s important to set milestone goals within our big/long term goals.
– “Is there another way to accomplish this same thing differently?” – many of us struggle with injuries, physical limitations, or conditions. But there is almost ALWAYS another way to skin the cat (what a weird saying). If you’ve got a bum ankle, crappy depth perception, or lack strength in an arena – there’s probably a way to modify the activity or achieve the end result. That being said, certain goals require certain fundamentals – but don’t worry if you don’t possess those. You just don’t possess them yet. There’s a lot of (damn near) magic occurring in the realms of science, medicine, physical therapy, chiropractors, rehab, and strength and conditioning. Find the support/team to help get you to your goals – sometimes it takes a village.
– “That wasn’t it – but let me try it again” – when learning something new….you should have an expectation that you’ll need to work on it. You might need to work on it a LOT to make even a little progress. If you start the session by accepting that there’s likely to be repeated failures BUT with a commitment to continue trying anyway – it’s a game changer.
– “I can’t today” – it’s normal to get frustrated. Or tired. Or hungry. Or a combination (maybe that’s just me). When used sensibly to throw the towel in for safety or sanity, a time out is a perfectly acceptable tool while working towards your goal.
The above list is certainly not all encompassing but if it saves me hearing (or saying) “I can’t” even once this year, then it was well worth it. Be aware of your obstacles. Especially if you’re the one building them.
As I am continually reminded, we as Americans (and women in particular) often subscribe to an all or nothing mindset. Many of us as teenagers tried desperately to became the honor roll student, well rounded athlete, symphony musician, and employee of the month at our part-time jobs (or we envied those that did).
This mindset continued through our college careers and I now frequently see grown women strive to ‘have it all’. The good job, the great kids, the perfect marriage, the clean house, and who find time to volunteer to not only coach their kids’ field hockey team but also to bake cupcakes and peel clementines for practice.
Many of us feel intense pressure to be model women in every aspect of our lives (this certainly can hold true for men as well). It can be pretty stressful trying to be perfect all the time and when something throws a monkey wrench our way, we sometimes lose our minds, have a mini breakdown, and resign ourselves to failure.
Nowhere do I see this more than in the realm of fitness and dieting.
So many times I’ve heard, “I can’t eat that, I’m on a diet”, or “I’m off my diet for the weekend, pass the wine and funnel cake”, or “I missed my gym class last night, I’ll just start over next week”. These are all ‘all or nothing’ examples.
Too often we expect too much of ourselves. It is not realistic to think that we can be perfect in any arena (and besides, what is perfect anyway). Part of us knows this.
-I don’t think anyone with children views themself as making perfect choices 100% of the time with child rearing decisions.
-None of you expect perfection from your coworkers at the office.
-Nobody’s house is perfectly spotless all of the time.
-Nobody treats their significant other perfectly all the time.
In all of these arenas we’ve learned to prioritize what’s important, to learn from our mistakes, to try and continually improve our performance, and to give ourselves a bit of grace and compassion when doing so.
We would never tell a child who made a mistake that ‘you’re a failure and you should just quit’. Why do we so often tell ourselves that in the realm of fitness and nutrition?
Now that we have that out in the open, here are 3 of the most common problems I encounter with people (and sometimes myself) and my suggestions for moving towards your goals despite them:
Problem #1:
-Trying a complete overhaul.
Many folks make a resolution or start getting in gear for beach season or a special event but they go whole hog. From 0 workouts/week to 6 days/week. From 0 strength training to all max effort lifts. From an erratic, unbalanced diet to an incredibly strict one with no room for error. From a 10 year smoker to cutting cold turkey. This is a recipe for failure. It’s highly unlikely you can change multiple, major habits in your life all at the same time (or even one big one all at once).
Suggestion:
-Start small.
Pick one thing nutrition wise and one thing fitness wise (such as eating one extra serving of protein each day and taking one 15 minute walk each day at lunch). These things should be easy. They should take minimal effort and you should prioritize them (set a calendar reminder, etc) in order to ensure you successfully complete them EVERY day for a period of weeks (think 4-6 weeks). Once you have successfully engrained this new habit into your life, only then is it ok to add another change.
By limiting the number of changes, it limits the amount of stress you place on yourself. By setting an easily attainable goal, you are less likely to quit and more likely to experience success which helps keep you motivated.
Problem #2:
-Giving up when you experience a hiccup.
Sometimes things happen. This does not make you a bad person or a failure so there’s no reason to act like one. Just think: if you were 15 minutes late to work one day – would you just say ‘Forget it’, turn the car around and blow off the rest of the week? Of course not. Same with your health.
Suggestion:
-Get back in the saddle as quickly as you can. One happy hour or ice cream splurge or missed workout isn’t what keeps you from your goals (and for a balanced, fulfilling life- you probably want to include these from time to time). It’s the decision at that point to say, “Forget it” and blow off the whole rest of the day, weekend, month, or season that follows.
If you make a decision that takes you away from your goals, follow it with a decision that brings you back towards them (even if it’s just drinking an extra glass of water or protein shake before bed that day, or sneaking in 15 minutes of sit-ups, push-ups, and squats at home if you miss the gym).
Problem #3:
-Focusing on the ‘can’ts’
Limited time, no spare cash, injuries, allergies, dislike of cooking, age, etc. These are all reasons people use to justify why they can’t change. I need you to pick just one thing you can. Realize that you have control to change something and you become powerful enough to change anything.
Suggestion:
-Focus on what you can do today. Right now. With what you have.
This comes back to #1. It doesn’t need to be a big thing (and shouldn’t be). It can be something as simple as getting an extra 15 minutes of sleep each night or meditating in your car for 5 minutes before you come back home for the night. The more positive changes you decide to make and can control, the more you feel you are capable of changing and controlling.
I’ve seen 70 year old, chronically ill, severely obese people slowly take back control of their lives one decision at a time. You can too.
For the record, I am guilty of having all of these problems at various points. I am also persevering and continuing in my journey. I learn about myself and my body as often as I can and I have begun respecting it (and myself) a lot more than I used to. I believe I am just beginning to learn all of the wonderful things it (and I) are capable of doing after years of trying (and failing) to get to my ‘goal weight’. It’s all a result of recognizing a few truths:
Things are looking up. It’s all about perspective
There is no magical place of fitness ‘success’. No final destination you can actually arrive at. Being healthy, fit, and satisfied with yourself is kind of like being an adult. There is no single ‘moment’ where you become one…it’s a gradual process that occurs over time. There are occasional moments where you feel like an absolute failure and others where you think ‘I’ve got this’, but they’re always followed by another day. Another opportunity to become fitter, leaner, stronger, more flexible, or more balanced.
When you embrace the journey, you’ll eventually wake up one day and find you are ‘there’ – it’s just ‘there’ is different than you think it is now.
Work on changing your mindset along with your body and health. In part 2, I’ll discuss some tips I used to get started or to reinvigorate healthier choices when I’ve accidentally veered a little off track (or purposefully gone exploring in uncharted territory).
I hope you enjoyed this post and I would love to hear your comments (below, on FB, or in a msg or email).
smrtraining 