– I now understand why my grandfather listened to the oldies on our ski trip road trips – when I turn on the radio ‘my jam’ is never on the ‘normal’ stations anymore.
– I have caught myself saying both:
“You got so big! You must have grown a foot!” And “Where does the time go!?” In the last month.
– I have legitimately asked for socks for Christmas and will be excited if I get them.
– I believe Christmas lights will always make me feel appreciative and optimistic. It’s still a fairly weird tradition though:
“How should we celebrate the birth of our savior now that we have electricity at home?”
Answer = “Vomit the electricity on the outside of the house where it’s likely to get wet. And put it up high. No higher. Like on the roof. Jesus would really like that shit.”
But I guess most traditions are pretty weird.
– Christmas countdown calendars still make me smile. As does remembering brutally fighting my brother for the right to move the mouse on Christmas Eve…
– I have many gifts in my life: my health, employment x3 and tomorrow x4, health insurance, food, and a warm and dry place to sleep.
My greatest gift however; remains the caliber of people in my life. The family, friends, and loved ones I’ve woven across the world through snow, rugby, gym, work, scuba, LS, online, and other shenanigans. They enrich my life and and soul.
I’m fortunate to be able to spend a day with the family who’s known me the longest: the ones who birthed and raised me. Not everyone has that luxury and it’s not one I’m taking lightly this year. Looking forward to Christmas.
My resolution for 2019 is to leave each person I have the honor of interacting with in a better place than how I found them.
Happy holidays all.
Twice in the last few weeks the term ‘real’ has come up for me. In a @GirlsGoneStrong post, Molly Galbraith told us if there was a woman we admired – to tell her. I took a moment to tell a snow colleague of mine who brought me into fitness instruction and health consulting that I admire her tenacity, expertise, and mad pull-up skills (in spite of her numerous shoulder surgery set backs). 1*
She returned with a genuine compliment that she appreciates me “for being real.”
I’ve heard this descriptor (and the words genuine and authentic) a fair amount. I always have mixed emotions about them. While I certainly suffered from “FONFI” (the fear of not fitting in) as an adolescent and young adult, I’ve never seemed to have the same degree of concern as many. This has (in part) allowed me to experience an extraordinary amount of life that others shy away from.
While I treasure being told I’m viewed and seen as authentic and real, I am always partially heartbroken at how many times and in how many different ways people limit their actions, opportunities, and personality from the fear of being judged or failing.
SO I am going to take a few minutes to share ways I think about things (and others) that allow me to accept (them and myself) for exactly who and where we are. I do this in the hopes of further creating an environment, culture, and society that encourages people to celebrate who they are and support them in their journeys of who they become over time. Looks
I am a beautiful person (and so are you!). Whether it’s my smile, the ways my eyes light up, the concern I have for another’s well being, the way my butt looks in these pants, or that my body is capable of enormous feats….I am undeniably beautiful.
Whether my ‘normal’ pants fit, that I have a mole on my nose like a witch, or that I sweat profusely when I train it in NO way diminishes that fact. Don’t let perceived flaws or the fear of how others view you negatively impact your life.
This is by no means how I feel 100% of the time – I struggle also. BUT I work extraordinarily hard at not allowing my ‘off days’ (or weeks/months) control my overall view of myself or worth.
Looking/Sounding Dumb or Silly
I am TERRIBLE at a lot of things. I know way LESS than so many people on so many subjects. There are so many things I’ve never tried or experienced or have any awareness about.
Life can be so amazing though if you experience it. But you have to try. Even if you’re going to be bad at it and/or look silly. Children rarely refuse an opportunity, an experience, or a chance to play and look at how fast they grow and learn and how exciting it is to be around them. It can be exhausting for us if we’re out of practice.
If there’s something you’re interested in trying or doing…give it a shot. BE THE TODDLER! And laugh when you’re terrible. I took up rugby in my 30’s. I have terrible hands and laughable throws and still struggle with the rules and strategy. But I’ve become a solid tackler, the practices and games are good for my heart and lungs, and I’ve met a ton of great people – many of whom are great friends now. So put yourself out there to others and you’ll see them do the same with you.
Struggles
We’ve all got them. Every successful, talented, gorgeous human you see or meet has difficulties.
I have relationship problems. I’m divorced. I have days where I hate my job. I struggle with finances. I’ve (in the last 2 years) experienced bouts with depression and anxiety. I sometimes act impulsively and selfishly. Sometimes I eat like crap, don’t exercise much, and drink too much. I don’t call my friends and family as much as I should.
And you know what? I’m still me. And I’m always working to cause a little less harm, to do a little more good, and to be a little more accepting.
Others struggle with torn families, disease, infertility, addiction, racism, etc.
There’s no destination. It’s a journey. If you accept yourself today – right where you are now – you’ll be surprised at how much more you can do. You may even find that others will be drawn to you because they see elements of themselves in you. And that’s not to say that you have to air all your dirty laundry. Being private is ok. Just try not to deny pieces of you because they help make you the awesome person you are.
In closing:
I would love to see more people who feel comfortable being real. Being genuine. Being authentic.
So be you. Be the badass mom. Be the car guy. Be the nerdy scientist. Be the shitty cook. Be the terrible parker. Be the movie aficionado. Be the comedian. But be. In all your glory and faults.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
“I can’t.”These are my 2 least favorite words. Especially as a teacher or coach. (I’m also going to be using these words interchangeably throughout this piece).
When you teach a lesson, clinic, certification program, or are merely answering a question from a buddy….there are times when these words pop up. There is no condition, illness, or environment more devastating than the “I can’t” affliction.
It’s quite possible this affliction is the roadblock stopping you from achieving your goals. This affliction is easily treated though through simple mental shifts. My job as a coach is to try and lead you through your brain maze when it keeps putting up “I can’t” roadblocks.
While I consider them helpful in any area, they came to mind as the temps drop I gear up for SNOW! Here are a few quick ways to shift your perspective and cure you of that dreaded “I can’t disease”:
– “I can’t, yet” – adding this 3 letter word takes something from an impossibility to an eventuality. The subtle shift in language translates big time in attitude. It’s important to remember that the loftier the goal, the more involved the prep is and that can impact the length of time to get there. It’s important to set milestone goals within our big/long term goals.
– “Is there another way to accomplish this same thing differently?” – many of us struggle with injuries, physical limitations, or conditions. But there is almost ALWAYS another way to skin the cat (what a weird saying). If you’ve got a bum ankle, crappy depth perception, or lack strength in an arena – there’s probably a way to modify the activity or achieve the end result. That being said, certain goals require certain fundamentals – but don’t worry if you don’t possess those. You just don’t possess them yet. There’s a lot of (damn near) magic occurring in the realms of science, medicine, physical therapy, chiropractors, rehab, and strength and conditioning. Find the support/team to help get you to your goals – sometimes it takes a village.
– “That wasn’t it – but let me try it again” – when learning something new….you should have an expectation that you’ll need to work on it. You might need to work on it a LOT to make even a little progress. If you start the session by accepting that there’s likely to be repeated failures BUT with a commitment to continue trying anyway – it’s a game changer.
– “I can’t today” – it’s normal to get frustrated. Or tired. Or hungry. Or a combination (maybe that’s just me). When used sensibly to throw the towel in for safety or sanity, a time out is a perfectly acceptable tool while working towards your goal.
The above list is certainly not all encompassing but if it saves me hearing (or saying) “I can’t” even once this year, then it was well worth it. Be aware of your obstacles. Especially if you’re the one building them.
This weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Level 1 and Level 2 boxing certifications taught by the renowned Tony Jeffries (Olympic boxing bronze medalist) and Glenn Holmes (celebrity trainer) of California based Box ‘n Burn.
Although I’ve dabbled in a number of sports and athletic endeavors AND coached for 8 years, I’ve never really had the pleasure of getting wrapped, strapping on the gloves, and getting busy. Over the 2 days I learned an incredible amount of information, technique, and tips from some of the most skilled coaches in the country.
It also kicked my ass. Boxing worked my arms, shoulders, and cardiovascular system as you might expect. It also worked my back, lats, core, legs, calves, and probably most of all: my brain. Yup. All of me. To the point where I wasn’t sure I could get out of bed this morning. And I couldn’t be happier.
Boxing made me feel powerful. There’s something that makes you feel badass when you put wraps on. That feeling intensifies the first time you land a really solid hit, nail a new punch or combo, or successfully roll away from a ‘hit’ from the mitts (mitts = when your coach mimics live fighting 1:1 with you and you have to think and react on your feet…literally). Plus hitting things makes you feel really, really good!
I think we could all stand exposure to things that make us feel a little more capable and strong. Boxing does that while also providing challenge and allowing self growth. If you’re excited, if you’re nervous, if you’re horribly out of shape, if you’re in great shape, if you’ve never done it before, or if you want to get back into it….boxing for fitness is a great thing to incorporate in your routine. If you’re not sure how or where to get started – shoot me a message – even if you’re not in my area! I’ve now got a network of pro’s and can help find you the right fit.
P.S. – Don’t worry about being sore – my certification was an intense 2 day event for professionals…when we introduce you to it, you’ll just be happily tired and not trainkill (train roadkill)! #blackoutboxing #boxnburn #hitstuff #fitness #gym #exercise #therapy #tysonsplayground #fitness4everybody #rocky #recovery
As I am continually reminded, we as Americans (and women in particular) often subscribe to an all or nothing mindset. Many of us as teenagers tried desperately to became the honor roll student, well rounded athlete, symphony musician, and employee of the month at our part-time jobs (or we envied those that did).
This mindset continued through our college careers and I now frequently see grown women strive to ‘have it all’. The good job, the great kids, the perfect marriage, the clean house, and who find time to volunteer to not only coach their kids’ field hockey team but also to bake cupcakes and peel clementines for practice.
Many of us feel intense pressure to be model women in every aspect of our lives (this certainly can hold true for men as well). It can be pretty stressful trying to be perfect all the time and when something throws a monkey wrench our way, we sometimes lose our minds, have a mini breakdown, and resign ourselves to failure.
Nowhere do I see this more than in the realm of fitness and dieting.
So many times I’ve heard, “I can’t eat that, I’m on a diet”, or “I’m off my diet for the weekend, pass the wine and funnel cake”, or “I missed my gym class last night, I’ll just start over next week”. These are all ‘all or nothing’ examples.
Too often we expect too much of ourselves. It is not realistic to think that we can be perfect in any arena (and besides, what is perfect anyway). Part of us knows this.
-I don’t think anyone with children views themself as making perfect choices 100% of the time with child rearing decisions.
-None of you expect perfection from your coworkers at the office.
-Nobody’s house is perfectly spotless all of the time.
-Nobody treats their significant other perfectly all the time.
In all of these arenas we’ve learned to prioritize what’s important, to learn from our mistakes, to try and continually improve our performance, and to give ourselves a bit of grace and compassion when doing so.
We would never tell a child who made a mistake that ‘you’re a failure and you should just quit’. Why do we so often tell ourselves that in the realm of fitness and nutrition?
Now that we have that out in the open, here are 3 of the most common problems I encounter with people (and sometimes myself) and my suggestions for moving towards your goals despite them:
Problem #1:
-Trying a complete overhaul.
Many folks make a resolution or start getting in gear for beach season or a special event but they go whole hog. From 0 workouts/week to 6 days/week. From 0 strength training to all max effort lifts. From an erratic, unbalanced diet to an incredibly strict one with no room for error. From a 10 year smoker to cutting cold turkey. This is a recipe for failure. It’s highly unlikely you can change multiple, major habits in your life all at the same time (or even one big one all at once).
Suggestion:
-Start small.
Pick one thing nutrition wise and one thing fitness wise (such as eating one extra serving of protein each day and taking one 15 minute walk each day at lunch). These things should be easy. They should take minimal effort and you should prioritize them (set a calendar reminder, etc) in order to ensure you successfully complete them EVERY day for a period of weeks (think 4-6 weeks). Once you have successfully engrained this new habit into your life, only then is it ok to add another change.
By limiting the number of changes, it limits the amount of stress you place on yourself. By setting an easily attainable goal, you are less likely to quit and more likely to experience success which helps keep you motivated.
Problem #2:
-Giving up when you experience a hiccup.
Sometimes things happen. This does not make you a bad person or a failure so there’s no reason to act like one. Just think: if you were 15 minutes late to work one day – would you just say ‘Forget it’, turn the car around and blow off the rest of the week? Of course not. Same with your health.
Suggestion:
-Get back in the saddle as quickly as you can. One happy hour or ice cream splurge or missed workout isn’t what keeps you from your goals (and for a balanced, fulfilling life- you probably want to include these from time to time). It’s the decision at that point to say, “Forget it” and blow off the whole rest of the day, weekend, month, or season that follows.
If you make a decision that takes you away from your goals, follow it with a decision that brings you back towards them (even if it’s just drinking an extra glass of water or protein shake before bed that day, or sneaking in 15 minutes of sit-ups, push-ups, and squats at home if you miss the gym).
Problem #3:
-Focusing on the ‘can’ts’
Limited time, no spare cash, injuries, allergies, dislike of cooking, age, etc. These are all reasons people use to justify why they can’t change. I need you to pick just one thing you can. Realize that you have control to change something and you become powerful enough to change anything.
Suggestion:
-Focus on what you can do today. Right now. With what you have.
This comes back to #1. It doesn’t need to be a big thing (and shouldn’t be). It can be something as simple as getting an extra 15 minutes of sleep each night or meditating in your car for 5 minutes before you come back home for the night. The more positive changes you decide to make and can control, the more you feel you are capable of changing and controlling.
I’ve seen 70 year old, chronically ill, severely obese people slowly take back control of their lives one decision at a time. You can too.
For the record, I am guilty of having all of these problems at various points. I am also persevering and continuing in my journey. I learn about myself and my body as often as I can and I have begun respecting it (and myself) a lot more than I used to. I believe I am just beginning to learn all of the wonderful things it (and I) are capable of doing after years of trying (and failing) to get to my ‘goal weight’. It’s all a result of recognizing a few truths:
Things are looking up. It’s all about perspective
There is no magical place of fitness ‘success’. No final destination you can actually arrive at. Being healthy, fit, and satisfied with yourself is kind of like being an adult. There is no single ‘moment’ where you become one…it’s a gradual process that occurs over time. There are occasional moments where you feel like an absolute failure and others where you think ‘I’ve got this’, but they’re always followed by another day. Another opportunity to become fitter, leaner, stronger, more flexible, or more balanced.
When you embrace the journey, you’ll eventually wake up one day and find you are ‘there’ – it’s just ‘there’ is different than you think it is now.
Work on changing your mindset along with your body and health. In part 2, I’ll discuss some tips I used to get started or to reinvigorate healthier choices when I’ve accidentally veered a little off track (or purposefully gone exploring in uncharted territory).
I hope you enjoyed this post and I would love to hear your comments (below, on FB, or in a msg or email).
So I’ve been busy and stressed from juggling a lot of different things at once. I was excited to go to workout last night because lifting heavy things usually makes me feel strong and accomplished and helps me de-stress.
The deadlifts started well enough and I felt good about my form. Then we moved to pull-ups: things started to slide downhill from there. I can’t do a pull-up right now. This is in small part because I haven’t been focused on them or those muscle groups for the past several months. It is in large part because I’ve gained weight over the winter. I haven’t been eating cleanly, working out consistently, and I’ve enjoyed many extra beers during ski season that I don’t drink the rest of the year.
Then we moved to kettlebell swings and sure enough, my coach had some constructive feedback for me about my form. I found myself taking it harder than I normally do. I usually enjoy suggestions to make myself better. Tonight I just felt like a failure. As I sat in the car afterwards feeling myself become more angry with myself and more depressed, I had a realization:
I was using my perfectionism to become an excuse: since I wasn’t ‘perfect’ I was a failure.
For some of you that sounds ludicrous. For some though, it rings a bit true. I allowed myself to wallow in my ‘failures’ and depression last night and think about all of the alternative decisions I could have made over the past few months:
Going to the gym more consistently
Eating better
Drinking less
Practicing form more consistently
This morning though, I woke up with some perspective (as I often do). I remembered that life is about the journey…not the destination. The decisions I made in the past few months may not have furthered my gym and health goals, but they didn’t make me a failure. In fact, I made some pretty great decisions and accomplished a fair amount in the past few months…it was just in different areas of my life:
Achieving my PSIA level II certification
Rediscovering joy in my personal skiing
Becoming closer to my husband and bettering our relationship
Creating great memories with friends I (usually) only see in the winter
I’ve done all of this while still working full time, helping with a few philanthropic endeavors, and finally getting caught up with Game of Thrones. I’ve realized that what I need to do is take my own advice, give myself a little compassion. I am now looking at my current physical state as an opportunity for additional growth and development and a chance to practice what I preach:
smrtraining 