The deadlifts started well enough and I felt good about my form. Then we moved to pull-ups: things started to slide downhill from there. I can’t do a pull-up right now. This is in small part because I haven’t been focused on them or those muscle groups for the past several months. It is in large part because I’ve gained weight over the winter. I haven’t been eating cleanly, working out consistently, and I’ve enjoyed many extra beers during ski season that I don’t drink the rest of the year.

Then we moved to kettlebell swings and sure enough, my coach had some constructive feedback for me about my form. I found myself taking it harder than I normally do. I usually enjoy suggestions to make myself better. Tonight I just felt like a failure. As I sat in the car afterwards feeling myself become more angry with myself and more depressed, I had a realization:

I was using my perfectionism to become an excuse: since I wasn’t ‘perfect’ I was a failure.

For some of you that sounds ludicrous. For some though, it rings a bit true. I allowed myself to wallow in my ‘failures’ and depression last night and think about all of the alternative decisions I could have made over the past few months:

Going to the gym more consistently

Eating better

Drinking less

Practicing form more consistently

This morning though, I woke up with some perspective (as I often do). I remembered that life is about the journey…not the destination. The decisions I made in the past few months may not have furthered my gym and health goals, but they didn’t make me a failure. In fact, I made some pretty great decisions and accomplished a fair amount in the past few months…it was just in different areas of my life:

Achieving my PSIA level II certification

Rediscovering joy in my personal skiing

Becoming closer to my husband and bettering our relationship

Creating great memories with friends I (usually) only see in the winter

I’ve done all of this while still working full time, helping with a few philanthropic endeavors, and finally getting caught up with Game of Thrones. I’ve realized that what I need to do is take my own advice, give myself a little compassion. I am now looking at my current physical state as an opportunity for additional growth and development and a chance to practice what I preach: